i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
