Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just puked most of my soul out..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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