we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
