My underwear smells like fireworks.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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