you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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