Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
