If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
