did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
