I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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