If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
