i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
