No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we should paint friendship bongs
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
