Screwed.edu
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
