Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
