i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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