it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
