At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
