I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
