Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
