Kareoke will never be a sober sport
...so i touched it.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
