just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
