one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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