Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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