if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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