I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
