Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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