I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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