i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
