I puked a lego.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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