Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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