Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
