yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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