I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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