I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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