Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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