Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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