Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
