the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
