Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
