He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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