No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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