she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
