I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
