Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
