He is an equal opportunity slut.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
