do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
