he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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