He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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