i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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