its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
