The brown eye won't let me do that either.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
